Time Beyond Meaning
by LinZE
Summary: Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to stop. MM with a little KS, PP & FF set immediately post the Battle of Hogwarts cont. in Time for Thought


**TIME BEYOND MEANING**

**Disclosure: **Once again, anything you recognise does not belong to me. Only borrowing.

**Summery: **Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to stop. MM with a little KS, PP & FF immediately post the Battle of Hogwarts**.**

Time, that most peculiar of constructs, really has no meaning at all when it counts the most. In the moments that followed the end of the Battle of Hogwarts as it had been named long before its inception, the time of day and the passage of time were totally beyond Minerva's ken. The adrenalin that had fuelled the fight for her life and the lives of her charges, was soon redirected to a less carnal cause as people began to look to her for guidance.

The castle was a throng of activity, and had been since the battles end. The Aurors, in conjunction with some of the Order, had rounded up and removed the remaining Death Eaters. She had contacted St. Mungos to request help with the wounded and ensured that the fallen were gathered in so that they could be identified, charmed and returned to their loved ones with the greatest respect possible. The students also needed to be looked after, comforted and reassured before arrangements could be made to try and get them home, those of whom had homes to go to, of course. And then there was the castle itself, the structure had taken heavy damage during the fighting.

Minerva had learnt that, in times of crises, rather than dwell on the horrors of the here and now, or celebrate what often turned out to be hollow victories, she was much better just to work. And so, she organized, facilitated and more often than not simply rolled up her sleeves and got on with it.

Most recently she had been in Gryffindor tower, trying to offer some condolence to her lion cubs and feeling more in adequate to the task than ever. Yet they had flocked to her, the younger ones clinging as though she were a rock in the storm. She had been disinclined to leave them but when she had been informed of the arrival of the newly appointed minister she had had little choice but to promise them she would be back as soon as she could and trust to the elder students still left to try and keep the house together.

Even now in the staffroom, which was as close to privacy as they could hope for at the moment, she could not sit still. As Kingsley spoke, she stood at the window watching the to-ing and fro-ing outside as her mind continued to run through all the tasks still needing completion. It was almost as though she could not stop now, could not stop moving, stop planning, for fear of what it was that she would have to face when she did, what she would have to feel.

"I'm sorry – could you say that again Minister?" she asked, shaking herself from her internal list-making, as she realised that she had completely lost track of what it was that he was saying.

Kingsley was studying her intensely and Minerva felt more than slightly unnerved by the sensation and she was aware for the first time in, she honestly didn't know how long, of how she must appear.

"Minerva, are you certain we need to do this now? I'm sure it could wait a few hours or…"

"No." she stated adamantly, pushing her exhaustion to one side and resurrecting her teacher's persona. "No, we need to start as we mean to continue, to find the best way to help these children…" she continued, pushing several stray wisps of hair out of her face. At some stage in proceedings she had abandoned her robe, there were times for propriety and this was not one of them. However, she was suddenly very aware that she must present a particularly shabby figure. "I do understand that your time is at a premium – especially at the moment." She continued, trying to get the meeting back onto a business oriented footing.

"Minerva," he interrupted her. "the basics of our plan have been agreed; the Express is already on its way to Hogsmeade and the parents and guardians have already been notified that they can collect the charges from Kingscross tomorrow. "

She nodded, slightly disconcerted by the fact that though she could remember making the arrangements for this, and writing to the parents and guardians, it seemed like a lifetime ago and the memory was hazy and disjointed.

"There has also been provision made for those who do not have anyone to collect them. A central dormitory has been set up on the forth floor, I believe."

"Have we cleared that area of the school yet?" she thought out loud. She began wracking through her recollections of the conversations she had had with Filius, who had taken immediate control of ensuring the stability of the building, recently. "I know we prioritised the Central section and then the dormitories; Ravenclaw was deemed uninhabitable, and several sections of the outlying dungeons impassable but…"

There had been so many ins and outs through the entrance hall outside and from the staff room itself that Minerva had tuned them out almost completely. She was only jolted from the rapidly escalating torrent of her thoughts when someone touched her arm.

Turning to see who it was, she was once again disorientated to have to look down somewhat in order to see Filus standing next to her.

"Oh…" she felt herself mutter, as her conscious mind caught up with what her senses had perceived a few moments before.

"Minerva?" he asked, "Come, take a seat for a moment," he instructed guiding her quite forcefully towards the high backed chair by the fire.

"But…" she protested, so torn between thinking upon what was happening currently and trying to establish what areas of the school had been ascertained as safe, that she felt as though her thoughts were running in circles.

"No buts." Poppy said quite forcefully, having obviously also entered the room.

Closing her eyes she took a deep breath and tried to order her thoughts but the voices of the others in the room intruded upon her, making clear thinking seem impossible.

"… thank you, Minister, most have been transported to St Mungos or released to their own beds. The hospital has also been kind enough to leave a fully trained medi-wizard here to help out."

Raising a hand to her head, Minerva squeezed her eyes further shut and pinched the bridge of her nose. She was suddenly overcome by an intense wave of exhaustion and despite the protestations of the small part of her that was still clinging to her last scrap of dignity, she let her head fall forward. She was just too tired. Too tired to…

No. Giving in was not an option.

Pushing herself back onto her feet, she turned to where Poppy and Kingsley were now standing and conversing by the window.

"Poppy?" she queried, doing her best to sound formidable. "I thought I had instructed you to go to bed and get some rest." she pointed "And you as well for that matter!" she continued turning on Filius.

"You did send me to bed Minerva, and I went, but that was almost 18 hours ago…" the school nurse pointed out, concern colouring her face. "And, as I recall, we decided you were going to be getting some sleep as well."

"I was…" Minerva mumbled, as she recalled the conversation more thoroughly.

She had one of the other healers frogmarch Poppy to the anteroom off the main ward. But then there had been some catastrophe in relation to the structural integrity of the remains of the astronomy tower and she had been summoned to help. By the time that it had finally been established that the repairs would hold until a more permanent solution could be found, she had sent an exhausted Flitwick back to his chambers to sleep and had gone to deal with the next looming crisis.

Had that really been 18hours ago though? It would seem so given the strange looks she was now receiving.

"My apologies," she began, only a little hesitantly, "I appear to have lost track of time…" she tried to brush off with what she knew was an unconvincing smile. "There has been rather a lot going on." She ploughed on, not allowing anyone the opportunity to interrupt her this time. "Now, Minister, I believe we were discussing the arrangements for the students who had no place to return. Filius, can you confirm that we have assured the safety of the primary structure to the level of the forth floor?"

"We have done, the space was not originally designed of the purpose and the castles magics are unfortunately not stable enough to allow any modifications to the structure, however it will do in the short term."

"Good, good." She replied, beginning to pace before the hearth. "I believe that there may be a case for an out of term boarding house on the grounds, possibly with scope to house the younger siblings of students as well… "

"Indeed, but as I believe you said earlier I think all that we need to ascertain this evening is that their immediate needs are seen to and I have complete faith that you and the staff have that completely in hand for the time being."

But now Minerva's mind was going again, running like an over steamed engine. There would need to be at least one housemistress, more depending on the overall numbers and the age and obviously it would be preferable to keep them in family units maybe…. but before they got to that stage there was the issue of which of the teaching staff would be remaining after the majority of the student body left…

She was sure she had addressed this question already, spoken to someone about it but she couldn't quite pinpoint who or when. It seemed like a lifetime ago that she had witnessed Hagrid carrying the limp form of Harry Potter through the oak doors and into the entrance hall. She had thought him dead. Had thought that the one boy whom Albus had been so sure would be the saviour of them all, had fallen in the name of the cause.

She had been so angry in those moments, so damn angry at Albus and his high and mighty principles, so angry at herself for not stepping in to stop this ridiculousness sooner. But not even all the anger had been able to drown out the pain of a sight she strongly suspected would be with her until her last day on earth.

The revelation that Harry, thankfully, hadn't been quite so dead as they had thought, still left her aghast, but there were others, so many others, who had not been so lucky.

"Well… thank you again Minister, Kingsley." she said, trying to control her now whirling senses. "Is there anything else we can help you with?" she was aware that her agitation not to dwell on these thoughts must be obvious but couldn't bring herself to calm down.

"Of course, we've all had a hectic few days, " Shaklebolt began, "But do keep in touch, if there's anything you need."

A detached portion of Minerva's brain spotted that the Minister's comments hadn't been directed towards her but towards her colleagues. This concern however, was soon over ridden by an abrupt revelation.

"Days?" she asked, looking up at her colleagues as the door shut behind their visitor.

"Yes, my dear." Filius said, coming once again to place a hand on her arm. "It's almost 48 hours since the start of the battle Minerva."

"And I know for a fact you'd been up more than 18 hours when it all started." Poppy chimed in. "You need to stop Minerva." She added firmly.

"But…" Minerva protested.

"No. Not a word." Interrupted Filius, shucking his usually light-hearted way with words for a much more serious tone.

"Merlin knows how you've managed to stay on your feet for this long, but enough is enough. As your friend and your physician…"

"I am a grown woman!" Minerva countered. "And Deputy Headmis…" She continued only to falter. She had been a Deputy for so long, first to a man she had trusted probably more than she should have and to another whom… and there it was again, that insurmountable wave of feelings and reactions that seemed to be growing with every ebb and flow against her defences.

She felt her face and her shoulders slump as suddenly it was as if her body realised there were no more reserves with which to fight, no more adrenalin to be had and just – stopped.

"Oh Merlin," she mumbled, as the world around her went from slight out of sync to drastically out of focus.

"Easy there," Poppy's voice urged her as an arm wound its way around her waist and she was forcibly sat down. "Just sit a moment and try to take deep breaths. " the Mediwitch instructed.

"I…I…" she tried to form a word any word, but couldn't seem to manage it and suddenly ended up choking back sobs.

"Shhh, love, it's quite alright. Just let it out." Poppy was perched on the arm of the seat and Minerva leant into her friend's one-armed embrace.

She had no idea how long her crying jag lasted and her sense of being out of phase with the world around her did not seem to have eased any. She did note however, that her head was now pounding in time with her pulse and when there was a knock at the door it seemed to require an inhuman effort to pull herself away from Poppy's support.

"Don't." Poppy warned placing a restraining hand on her shoulder.

Filius crossed the room and opened the door, but only enough to allow him to slip out of the door.

"Now," Poppy continued, reaching down and plucking Minerva's wrist from her knee. "Once Filius has gotten rid of whomever it is out there, we'll get you up to the hospital wing."

"Really…" Minerva tried to protest quietly. "… I'd much rather go to my own bed."

"I'm afraid that isn't going to be possible," Poppy said looking down at her as she released the arm she had held.

When Minerva didn't say any more, Poppy tilted her head, to look at her for a moment before reaching out and touching a hand to her forehead.

"You do recall," she began testing the water. "that your rooms are currently inaccessible.

"Oh yes. Of course." She responded quickly, dredging her memory banks and shuddering at the thought that she might have forgotten something so fundamental as the loss of her own bed.

She was saved any further interrogation, however by Filius' return.

"That was Mr Potter," he began calmly. Minerva's interest piqued but she did not even attempt to rise from her seat. "He just wanted to inform us that he was leaving the castle tonight and before you say a word, Minerva," he continued flawlessly "He was very keen that you not be disturbed, but just wanted to pass on his thanks."

"I should have… I haven't spoken to him since..." Minerva confessed, "I… he…" she was fighting back another set of memories now. Of a quiet boy who sat in her classes for seven years, of a colleague with whom she had worked for another twenty and of a friend she had always suspected would be yet another pawn sacrificed in Albus schemes.

The memories of retrieving Severus' body and tending to him herself was as clear as day to her still, despite the halo of confusion that seemed to have descended on everything else that had happened recently.

"Harry will be fine, given time. As will you, once we've found you something to eat " Poppy told her in her firmest Mother hen tone. "And then I'm going to give you a more than generous dose of dreamless sleep because I think, my dear, that more than anyone you need not to think about absolutely anything for at least the next eighteen hours."

"Here, here." Filius chimed in. "I've already set up a dampening charm around the room, so there should be nothing to disturb you."

Minerva opened her mouth to say something but couldn't formulate a coherent sound and so, she simply offered a watery smile and allowed herself to be guided from the room. The arm around her waist and Filius' incessant chattering as they made their way through the wreckage strewn halls seemed enough to fend off her demons and slow her thoughts as they headed for the infirmary.

Time, Minerva pondered absently as she was guided onto a bed, may lose its meaning in times of trial but these same trials always seemed proving grounds for the consistency of true friendship. That, she thought, was rather a profound thought, and vowed to try and express at least the sentiment of it to her friends at the earliest opportunity. This thought was derailed however, as she was instructed to open her mouth and swallow. She dimly recognised the flavour of dreamless sleep in the aftertaste as she was urged to lie down on the siren pillow.

"Thank you," She murmured, intending to continue, but the potion in addition to her complete exhaustion resulted in an overwhelming urge just to close her eyes and drift away.

**A/N:** Thanks to Selmak as always for her help. This is something that I'm strangely proud of. It just seems to work in my head. I hope that you enjoy it as much as I did - please do let me know.

xLx


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